Invitation to the Other Woman
Come sit beside me and let's talk. I don't think you're crazy and I won't tell you to dump him.
From the outside, it may seem ill-advised if not outright foolish to be the Other Woman. But like all things we humans do, our choices look different from the inside.
Watching the sweet and painful relationship between characters Louisa and Spiros on the PBS series The Durrells in Corfu has me thinking about the moments, big and small, that lead women into a relationship with a married man. One scene in particular brought back the feeling for me.
It’s Greece in the 1930s. Mrs. Durrell (Louisa) is widowed and has escaped from gloomy England with her menagerie of spirited children to build a new life. Spiros seems to cobble together a living from being a taxi driver and general helper on the island, and becomes a sort of cultural guide and getter-of-things-done for Louisa. He’s also married and his wife, tired of him giving too much time and attention to Louisa, takes their children and leaves him. He’s already in love with Louisa, but at that time and in that place, divorce likely wasn’t much of an option, nor is it clear that he yet fully realizes his extramarital feelings.
In the scene I’m referencing, Spiros is somber, sitting in the open-market bar having a drink, and Louisa joins him. He feels the pain of having his children away from him. He first apologizes for being grumpy with her recently, then, as he pours them both a drink he says, “This is nice, isn’t it?” She replies that she wouldn’t do this (sit in a bar mid-day, presumably) with anyone else but him. He pauses, taking in her words, apparently a bit surprised and responds sincerely, “Thank you.” Then, with a serious look on his face, the conversation lands here:
Spiros: I’m going to say a bad thing.
Louisa: Go on then.
Spiros: When you’re here with me, I miss my children more than I miss my wife.
That’s the first time he had spoken out loud what they both felt. I had a visceral response to that, knowing what it feels like to hear the words your heart wants to hear from someone you think will never be able to say them. This is the allure of being the other woman. I’ve been there and I think I can help if you’re there now too.
In this blog I’ll share everything I can think of to make your time as an affair partner less painful. In addition to having been the Other Woman myself, I’m a Licensed Professional Therapist, and have been working with women just like us for years.
I want you to know, whether or not you stay with him and whether or not he stays with her, you will be ok.